Uhuru Overheard  Whispering to Ruto,”Ndugu,Hii Kitu Timepoteza”

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Uhuru was overheard whispering to Ruto over the weekend:”Ndugu,hii Kitu Tumepoteza”.

A source close to the two released that Uhuru was in panic mode after it emerged he has no numbers to beat Raila.

In a two hour meeting, the president looked at this statistics and whistled,waa waa waa waa

Kiambu. 1,173,593
2.      Nakuru. 948,668
3.      Meru. 712,378
4.      Murang’a. 590,775
5.      Nyeri. 460,806
6.      Uasin Gishu. 451,485
7.      Kericho. 379,815
8.      Kirinyaga. 351,162
9.      Nandi. 349,340
10.  Nyandaua. 336,322
11.  Bomet. 325,606
12.  Embu. 315,668
13.  Laikipia. 239,497
14.  Baringo. 227,918
15.  Tharaka Nithi. 216,522
16.  West Pokot. 178,989
17.  E Marakwet. 178,975
18.  Kakamega. 746,877
19.  Machakos. 627,168
20.  Mombasa. 596,485
21.  Bungoma. 559,897
22.  Kisumu. 548,868
23.  Kilifi. 510,484
24.  Kitui. 477,655
25.  Kisii. 544,753
26.  Nyamira. 279,685
27.  Homa Bay. 476,150
28.  Siaya. 447,745
29.  Makueni. 421,180
30.  Migori. 388,967
31.  Busia. 347,911
32.  T Nzoia. 339,832
33.  Kwale. 282,436
34.  Vihiga. 267,481
35.  Taita Taveta. 155,904
36.  Tana River. 118,189
37.  Lamu. 70,224
38.  Nairobi. 2,304,386
39.  Kajiado. 409,266
40.  Narok. 347,427
41.  Turkana. 188,617
42.  Mandera. 168,478
43.  Garissa. 132,486
44.  Wajir. 155,916
45.  Marsabit. 143,541
46.  Samburu. 79,477
47.  Isiolo. 72,548
TOTAL 19,687,563

JUBILEE STRONGHOLD COUNTRIES include:

Kiambu. 1,173,593

Nakuru. 948,668

Meru. 712,378

Murang’a. 590,775

Nyeri. 460,806

Uasin Gishu. 451,485

Kericho. 379,815

Kirinyaga. 351,162

Nandi. 349,340

Nyandaua. 336,322

Bomet. 325,606

Embu. 315,668

Laikipia. 239,497

Baringo. 227,918

Tharaka Nithi. 216,522

West Pokot. 178,989

E Marakwet. 178,975

TOTAL JUBILEE STRONGHOLD VOTES (7,437,520)

CORD strongholds include:

Kakamega. 746,877

Machakos. 627,168

Mombasa. 596,485

Bungoma. 559,897

Kisumu. 548,868

Kilifi. 510,484

Kitui. 477,655

Kisii. 544,753

Nyamira. 279,685

Homa Bay. 476,150

Siaya. 447,745

Makueni. 421,180

Migori. 388,967

Busia. 347,911

T Nzoia. 339,832

Kwale. 282,436

Vihiga. 267,481

Taita Taveta. 155,904

Tana River. 118,189

Lamu. 70,224

TOTAL NASA STRONGHOLDS (8,211,905)

BATTLEGROUND VOTES

Nairobi. 2,304,386

Kajiado. 409,266

Narok. 347,427

Turkana. 188,617

Mandera. 168,478

Garissa. 132,486

Wajir. 155,916

Marsabit. 143,541

Samburu. 79,477

Isiolo. 72,548

TOTAL BATTLEGROUND VOTES (4,038,138)

Uhuru tried to balance things but he ended up confusing himself. After sipping water,he told Ruto to look for a calculator.With a calculator in his left hand, the president added votes from Bomet,Kajiado,Kisii and Naymira but still things did not come the way he wanted.

Walking from one corner to the other, the son of Jomo looked at the ceiling and asked his deputy:hii mambo namna gani tena,unaona tufanye nini?

Shaking,Ruto fumbled:hii mtu ya vitendawili  imekamata kiti,ama namna gani bwana?

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