Disclaimer: I am not the one to judge side chicks. The moral majority can do that during their free time.
I just connect the dots and show you the results – good or bad.
After all, it has been claimed that side chicks save marriages because they serve as an escape hatch or pressure vent for toxic marriages.
Furthermore, as marriage rates decline, more women get empowered modern women will continue to want only the top 10% of men. This will make side chicks become a permanent and accepted part of our society.
My intention here is just to help frustrated side chicks to understand why they are side chicks and to help fellow women understand why they have beautiful, stable, well-spoken and presentable friends who want to get married and yet remain single.
Having said that, let’s get it.
You will find many good-looking women who say that they can’t understand why they can’t get a good man to marry them. These women argue, sometimes with a practised hair toss, that as much as men claim they are progressive and modern, toxic masculinity still makes men refuse to pair up with women who have their own money because men want a woman who depends on him.
They claim sometimes that men cannot handle women who can speak truth to power and who refuse to take their BS. These women also say to anyone who is willing to listen that they cannot work so hard then settle for a low-value man just because society thinks they should get married.
Today, we want to try and understand why these women have beauty, money, style, brains and “everything” a man needs, yet no man wants to marry them.
In the course of my working life, I have attended several weddings. Most of them have been invitations from colleagues coming of age and deciding to, how does the Bible put it, Leave their parents and cleave to their wives and become one flesh? Yeah, something like that.
What’s remarkable is that 85% of these weddings are invitations from male colleagues. Most of the ladies who hit supervisor level or management in their mid to late twenties choose a very different trajectory. And what I describe below is the trend observed at the workplace in different sectors.
What we observe is that these ladies often move out of Eastlando, go to an overpriced bedsitter in Kile, Lavi, Langata, South C etc and get a car loan for a C class Merc or just a nice, clean Premio (they buy a Harrier when they hit the cougar stage).
After discarding ratchet friends and positioning themselves among the rich and upwardly mobile people, that is where it gets interesting.
They work hard to develop a twang, some bleach themselves, they hit the gymn and get into tight clothes that make their assets pop. If they had bad teeth, they fix them. Bad skin? Sorted. They get expensive weaves and ensure that no hot-blooded man can look at them once. Basically, they become slay queens except, they are found in the workplace behind computer monitors and polished desks.
What you will hear about these ladies is that they went on maternity leave at some point. And once they are back from maternity, they declare war on baby fat and jump right back to peachy figures. You see the way many wives blame being overweight on baby fat? These ladies don’t do that.
Years later, you hear they were spotted somewhere with a powerful politician, a magnate, a tycoon, a businessman. Sometimes, you hear that a middle-aged man got a cardiac arrest while trying to satisfy a woman after taking the blue pills and the photos of the deceased man’s partner circulating in social media are hers. These ladies occasionally upgrade to bungalows, mansions or plush apartments in upmarket areas – at this point they are driving Harriers or Tx Prados. They are often polished, well-behaved and discreet.
They make up the mouth-watering MILFs in offices that single broke men in their twenties could give an arm and a leg to get with but they are just out of their league. These young guys just check them out as they exit the lifts and say “damn!” as the elevator doors slide close.
Oftentimes, these are ladies who have decided to be side chicks by choice because of some unresolved relationship trauma in their past. Sometimes, they claim they only realized that the man was married once they got paged. What they often don’t say is that once they got saddled with a baby, they didn’t scale down their SMV accordingly – in fact, they still feel they have higher SMV than single, childless 24-year-old women.
There are some salient things that keep these ladies firmly in the side-chick situation.
1. They have an inflated sense of their value and so they feel that cannot “settle” for an average Joe. They will overlook the available men yet the men they want are already married.
2. They will work hard and make money. As they make more money, they feel they deserve men with more money and end up pushing themselves out of the dating market. The kind of men they often want are very few (make up less than 10% of the population) and are usually married.
3. Most of these kinds of women are good looking, well-dressed and classy. They can also take care of their bills and feel that they can help men build empires. Most of them are “boss chicks.” The problem with boss chicks is that they are not submissive. The competitive demands of the corporate world have drained them of their feminine energy and feminine qualities. The men they want are the kinds of men who don’t want their money and want submissive, cooperative women. So what happens is that these men smash them on the side but never wife them up.
4. These beautiful career women are often in their thirties, many of them weigh in at 40 years plus. This means they have hit the wall and their sexual agency has declined. These ladies however, labor under the mistaken belief that having money and a good career can make up for their lost youthfulness and they refuse to lower their expectations. Unfortunately, money and material possessions don’t make up for beauty and femininity. Women in such positions who are realistic often settle for broke men who need their money. But these ladies, unfortunately, don’t respect such men (basic bums) and they often kick them out after getting baby number x.
5. They think that men value them for their money. They do not realize that men value femininity more than they could ever value money. Successful men who have done the work don’t want what Kevin Samuels calls “leftovers.” They want single, childless, feminine women, not boss ladies. They don’t mind having the ladies in question as side chicks though.
6. These ladies are often not looking for husbands even though they are unaware of this fact. When they say they are looking for men, when you scratch the surface, you realize very quickly that they are looking for a lifestyle, not a man. And they view men as utilities to give them the lifestyle they think they deserve, not someone to give peace and comfort. These ladies will be quick to tell you that they can’t work so hard and be successful only to marry a man who is not at their level.
7. These ladies often view men as either utilities (something to use) or as something to fear. They are wary of submitting to men because they think the men will abuse that submission and tyrannize them. They cling tightly to their careers or their mothers (a post about this later), maintain a combative, sassy and argumentative countenance. This attitude that is grounded in bad faith often turns prospective husbands away.
8. They are blue pill women. The blue pill tells women that they can have it all. Having it all means being beautiful, getting highly educated, getting a good career and then getting a fit, good-looking, rich husband when you are at the top of your career.
This is what we see being portrayed in Holywood movies. Well, ladies, it doesn’t happen in reality. These women also believe in the blue pill fantasy that tells women that their beauty is evergreen. They are told that even when in your forties, you are still as beautiful as you were in your twenties. BS magazines like Ebony and Cosmopolitan even sell them youth serums and ambrosias that can allegedly keep them young and vibrant. These fantasies keep these ladies from facing reality and taking what they can get.
They end up living their adult lives as side chicks. I have a section in UNPLUGGED that deals with the blue pill for women.
9. Lastly, beautiful women know that they are beautiful. By teenage, they know they are better than other girls (after all, they spend so much time before a mirror). Many of the beautiful girls grow up with grandiose expectations from life.
They reject good men, one after the other as they wait for the perfect man.
Ladies, by the way, a man who is rich, handsome, well endowed, faithful, tall, confident, great in bed, well-spoken and smart DOES NOT EXIST. Get that through your heads. You must compromise some of these qualities. Perfect men don’t exist.
Anyways, so, these women cling onto these unrealistic expectations as their friends continue getting married. They trash their friends’ marriages or dismiss them and say mara ooh, “watawachana tu” or, “not everyone is made for marriage” or “he married a broke guy” or, “how could she settle down with such a fat, ugly man” etc. As Kevin Samuels says, buy a dog and die alone.
10. They are problem women with unresolved childhood trauma that makes them unable to enjoy intimacy and pair bond with men. Sometimes they have sketchy baby daddies and are laboring under unattended disorders like BPD, NPD and other mental health issues. They attract drama and are unable to give a man peace because of their maladjustments. Men see these red flags and save themselves. Such women are incapable of looking at the poor outcomes in their lives and instead point and sputter at men for their single status.