What you need to know about Kisii town

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As a resident of Kisii town, the town where nothing ever happens, let me give you an operational manual.

1. Beware of motorbikes. There’s 2 for each person.

They are also the main form or transport, yaani ndizo Manmo, Citihopa, Zuri etc. Never take a bike that’s Kwa stage, take one that’s already moving. Wa stage will fikisha you then tell you, “kwani olidhania ningetoka stechi chuu ya finche?”

2. If you are a person of kamnyweso, you will be in the right town. 99.99% of the buildings in this town have a club, a wines and spirits shop and/or both. You will be well taken care of.

3. If you fancy those big big hotels, be ready for not so good food. Sijui food overstays in the freezer?

4. The most famous place to eat affordable fresh food is Diplozz resort. Huko as from 11am government officials have started bringing their tugirls from Market Plaza for lunch. They will start leaving at 3pm, pass by the office, pick up their jackets and head on to La Vella, CJs, 7Cs etc.

5. As a woman, your chances of getting ignored at any joint are 80%. They will expect you to have male company. Otherwise, you will be there but the waiters ain’t seeing your lovely self.

6. Just go and shop at Quickmart if you have a car. It’s practically the only supermarket that will guarantee you a safe parking space.

7. You’re better off just using a motorbike while coming to town.  Huku it’s H for Hektic when it comes to parking. Before ata parking, driving in this town is a skill that requires presidential commendation.

Lastly, just enjoy the town, psychologically first then it will smoothly slide into actual enjoying of the town. Here, alcohol is the main form of enjoyment 🤣🤣

Image downloaded. If you’ve been to this town or are from this town, can you tell me where this pic was taken from?