Is your current mother in law driving you nuts? Meddling in-laws can wreak havoc on a healthy relationship or marriage. Here are few tips on how you can de-escalate the drama in your rural home this festive season.
- DON’T PICK FIGHTS, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You are a grown up woman who has grown to be married its normal and natural to have your way of doing things from little things like laundry you are entitled to and should stick up for yourself and your way of doing things should you feel it diminished verbally or bullied behaviourally.It’s important to feel comfortable how you want to raise your kids or if you go to church or not. No matter how they try to manipulate you stand your ground.
- IF YOU FEEL AGGRIEVED, DON’T LET INCIDENTS SIT. Know when and where to confront situations with your mother in law. Confront them with her but in a respectful manner if you are not happy about something tell her in a cautious way do not keep complaining about her yet you are doing nothing about it
- WHEN FRUSTRATED REST IN GRATITUDE. You should always know that you and your mother in law share one thing in common and that is a love for the person you married, its hardly likely that’s the only thing you share, rest in gratititude that this woman gave birth to the person you married and love and remember that the person you love would be crushed if you and his/her mother had an all-our fight.
- WHEN DISCUSSING YOUR MOTHER IN LAW GRIEVANCES WITH YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE STICK TO BEHAVIOUR NOT CHARACTER ASSESMENTS. Mother in laws have the ability to bring out the most girl fighting instincts in us women, many women describe their mother in laws with the sweeping assessments one sees in a soap opera ‘’she is so manipulative’’ she tries to control everything! Etc. a new layer of frustrations can build when you feel that your partner refuses to see who their mother really is. Don’t introduce your issues with ‘’as usual your manipulative mother is trying to have her way in this’’ instead tackle the behavior at hand, I found out today that your mum went behind our back and asked the florist to change the colors of the flowers in our wedding. I found that behavior unacceptable since it’s not only her choice but she did it secretly. How should we address this?
- REMEMBER THAT YOUR GAIN CAN FEEL LIKE HER LOSS. Try and practice empathy with her while you are excited about the beginning of a new phase of life with her son or daughter, for your mum in law this new phase can serve as a reminder that their ‘’baby’’ is no longer a baby and all the complicated feelings that go along with that. It may stir up resentments, hate, and feeling of aging anxiety about their relevancy in their child life. Fear of you shutting them out, a feeling of being replaced. When you feel she is trying to assert herself in ways that push your buttons take a moment and remember that it is likely less personal to you than it is to her.
- DON’T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY. When you married your spouse you married into a family with deep history. Try to understand where some of their problems come from this can be incredibly helpful as you learn how to deal with them.
Remember that your relationship with your mother in law is one that is going to last a long long time the more you can do to make it blossom the better.