This is a joke of the century!Apparently,following is the full speech Governor Hassan Joho was to read in front of Uhuru during the launching of Mtongwe ferry:
Mtukufu Rais, Baba na Mama wa Taifa, wageni walioko hapa leo, wanaichi wenzangu. Ni furaha yangu kubwa kuwakaribisha hapa jijini Mombasa kuhushudia muijiza ya kufunguliwa rasmi Mtongwe feri.
Your excellency, ladies and gentlemen, as you know, we the residents of this city have suffered a great deal crossing from the mainland to the island.
For years, men, women, and children have been forced to swim every morning and evening in this shark infested waters, pulling behind them their cars, mkokoteni, bicycles, basket of fruits. In the process we have lost some of them to the hardship of this journey.
No other government has come to our aid, your excellency, until this time. We are therefore most grateful sir, for your generosity. You didn’t have to do it, but because of your love for your people and your compassion to our suffering, you have seen it wise, oh most merciful and wise leader, to show mercy towards us, and make our crossing pleasant by commissioning this ferry today.
Your Excellency, the one whom by his command and words, the heavens open to pour out rain, we plead with you today, that you will command that it do not rain, so that your people and servants, who have taken time off from their busy schedule of jobs, business, and other economic activities, your government have so generously given them, to witness this momentous occasion, can enjoy your visit and presence in sunshine.
Unlike our brothers from Turkana, who have refused to pay homage to your excellency, thereby suffering the effects of droughts, because like their forefathers, they have not humbled themselves before you, who is able to open the heavens and make it rain, we your servants, humbly obey and bow before you.
We join other Kenyans, who have lived decades in darkness until you provided them with electricity, in expressing our reverence, your Excellency. There is no other government in the history of this nation that have done so much to us. We thank you.
Your excellency, a journey from Mombasa to Nairobi that took us months to make, will now be shortened to just 7 hours. Thanks to your government and SGR, we will now be able to traverse this distance using bullet train from China, and do it in style, seating in comfortable coaches only reserved for kings and queens and fed meals from Italian menus, enjoying the natural scenery and fauna of the Masai Mara, like tourists from a distant land!
How can we repay you, your excellency for such wonderful gifts?
If you took pleasure in money we would give you money!! But money you do not need, for there is none rich like you in Kenya!
If you needed land, land we would give you!!But land you do not need because all Kenyan land is yours.
Your excellency, accept the proposal of your humble servant to change the law and make you President immortal, for Jubilee will Rule forever!!For how can we even think of electing another from you?
Among us, there is none like you. You have created jobs to your servants; you have build road for us; school and medical care is offered free to all of us; our nation is most secure kingdom under the sun; we are well fed; none among us knows lack or hunger; our cities are littered with magnificent shopping malls; our children have laptops; our doctors, teachers, and other civil servants are properly paid; and all homes are connected to electricity.
Ladies and gentlemen, join me in welcoming our president, Rais mtukufu, the most merciful, the most generous, and the most caring President to impart to us his words of wisdom.
Welcome your excellency. Speak, thy people Listeneth!