Before someone tells you that he is an Africa, there are things he will do that will automatically show he is an Africa. Here are 20 things that define an African:

1. Urinating behind the latrine

2. Wife sleeping next to the wall

3. Keeping brooms behind the door

4. When you get rich, people say you have a snake

5. When you get old, you’re a witch

6. When you take a bath , they will ask if you are going somewhere.

7. Keeping some plates, cups and spoons aside specifically for visitors.

8. Counting pieces of meat.

9. No natural d£ath in Africa…. your enemy is always the cause.

10. Counting money after withdrawing from ATM.

11. Marrying a beautiful woman is associated with marrying a prostitute.

12. There are some special parts of the chicken meat that are always reserved for the husband (eg. Gizzard)

13. Removing shoes when walking in the mud.

14. Buying new clothes when it is Christmas.

15. When one is given a microphone, they first blow air into it or tap it with a finger, to test it if it is working, (even when the person passing it on was using the same mic.)

16. Sweeping the whole compound when expecting visitors.

17. Looking left and right when crossing a one way street.

18: Keeping an empty plastic water bottle after drinking, for future use.

19: Reserving a special chair for the Husband

20: Feeling proud when sitting next to a white person in a bus.

Comedian Mulamwah has officially dumped his wife Ruth K and regrated why he left Carol Sonnie. The comedian accused Ruth of wrecking his marriage with Sonnie. He also accused her of claiming that he is positive. This was in reaction to Ruth K of claiming that Mulamwah gives her Ksh5,000 only per month.

To make matters worse, he demanded his teeth back. When Mulamwah met Ruth K,she didn’t have a good dental formula, he paid a dentist to repair her teeth. Now that they aren’t together,the comedian wants the teeth back.

Below is the post by Mulamwah confirming that they have broken up:

was a nice ride – Young lady,Dont cry wolf. You broke your own home with your two hands. I warned you of the so called friends, ona sasa – You never listened,you kept following advices adi wakakuhamisha from home to ruaka. Na ni ju ya wivu tu ya your home , familly & achievements – Nikakupea tudeals kiasi na kajina hapa online pesa ikaingia ukajaza kiburi, unadisrespect hadi wazazi – unaishi na mimi hapa kwa hao yet unanunua vitu za nyumba yako. Siku ikafika ukanitafutia makosa ukatoka na kuhama. How do you add 84 ladies to a whats app group then unawaambia ati devvy is positive?? , uliweka adi clients kwa group wakatoa sponsorship ya my stand up show — kwani nadate kila dem tunaongea na yeye ? my advice is avoid talking too much online and seeking validation from people & strangers who dont even care. Focus on your life & goals . Huku utahurumiwa leo , kesho you are being cooked. sio ati ju nimekataa urudi unaleta chaos. na pia ukileta chaos David oyando haondokeangi vita. Jina ni mbaya already huwezi haribu tena. Wengi wamejaribu kuangusha huyu boy but God ni nani – And for me am not formal, am not soft either, coments sidhani kuna ile sijawai pata – its gloves OFF. Baby mamas please welcome huyu mfunzeni town na mwambieni life is not a nigerian movie, nothing will happen to your baby daddy. walikuchocha sahii hawako, one day i will name drop them , endeleeni kutaftana na waheshimiwa sasa na hao Nairobi bussiness community mnashinda mkiranda nao. I had a beutiful marriage untill you came, kumbe ulikua unakuja kunimaliza , pole sana CARROL , though its water under the bridge now . Hizo story unataka kutupea wewe leta chai tuunde nazo dooh online – we own some of these blogs – Pia mimi nina zako – for me i stand for facts and i fear no one , zero f*cs given. Nimejaribu kukufunikia for long imekataa, hizi platform mnapewa mnatumia vibaya sana, – Halafu urudishe meno yangu.

In Kenya, there are tribes with the ugliest women. You will try to look for a beautiful woman among them but only a few are available. Kikuyu,Taita and Kamba produce the most beautiful women in Kenya. These tribes here produce the ugliest women.

1. Kisii
2. Luo
3. Turkana
4. Pokot
5. Nubia
6. Turgen
7. Marakwet
8. Kuria
9. Nandi

Luo women have the biggest behind but majority don’t have the most appealing faces. For men, they hide the face and fire the base. Luhya women are average, some are beautiful and others are ugly. More than 60% of Kisii women are not beautiful, they also gossip alot.

Turkana women resemble their men. They are also masculine and tough with bones which can injure you. Turgen and Nandi women have anger issues and they are ruthless to their men especially when angered.Most of them are too dark.

Currently, there are more than 5,000 Nigerians in Kenya. The number keeps increasing and in the next 10 years, they will be more than 30,000. Kenyan men are complaining that Nigerian men are taking their women. Kenyan women love Nigerian men like crazy. But what is the reason as to why Kenyan women prioritize Nigerian men over Kenyan men.

Nigerian Men are generous

When it comes to Nigerian men, they don’t fear giving women money—they are very generous. A Nigerian man can have Ksh50,000 in his pocket and give his girlfriend 49,000 to remain with just Ksh1,000. These men place their women ahead of everything and everyone.

Kenyan men are not generous. They can give women money but not as much as what a Nigerian can give. Take example of a Kikuyu man, he will earn a salary of Ksh200,000 but only spend Ksh 2,000 per month on his woman.

Nigerian men have swag and sense of humour

Kenyan women love people with a sense of humour and swag, which is available among Nigerian men. Nigerian men are just like Luo men. They dress well, talk nicely and have swag. The only difference is that Luo men date many women at a time.

They are romantic

Majority of Kenyan men aren’t romantic at all, they even don’t have time for their girlfriends. But Nigerian men are very romantic. These men call their wives sweet names and can go miles to make them happy.

Nigerian men are also handsome.

They pretend to be rich

Nigerian men in Kenya pretend to be rich and display their wealth online. Kenyan women fall for that.

It’s a fact that most Nigerians in Kenya aren’t rich. Though they are struggling financially, they do everything to win Kenyan women. Displaying money on social media and pretending to be rich has helped them win Kenyan women.

They are loyal

A Kenyan man can date more than 10 women at a time, this is not the case with Nigerian men. A Nigerian man will stay with you alone until you separate, then he goes to date another lady.

They have long penis

Most Kenyan men have small penis. Nigerian men are ranked among men with longest penises in the world. In Africa, they lag behind Cameroon, Senegal and few African countries. Those inches is what Kenyan women love most.

Homabay professional mourners association (HPMA) are now demanding Governor Gladys Wanga who hired them to help her mourn her best friend the late Charles Were to clear with them, the group of 1200 members led by their chairman Omondi Ndoj and treasurer Tresia Awiyo have decried delayed payment and lack of communication by Gladys Wanga even after they professionally mourned Were and made Kenyans believe the deceased was loved by people of Kasipul. They warn her that unless she pays they’ll storm the funeral and start laughing uncontrollably.

The professional mourners are always paid to attend funeral of popular people in Luo Nyanza. They cry and roll on the ground to show that indeed the deceased was loved. Their daily routine is to practise on how to welcome tears naturally.

Below is a list of 11 things to keep private in your marriage:

1. YOUR SPOUSE’S SEXUAL STRUGGLES

If your husband doesn’t last long in bed or his penis loses erection quickly, if your wife has an unpleasant smell or she struggles to do some sex positions; don’t expose him/her to your friends or someone who you are flirting with in bid to justify why you are flirting. The sexual struggles in your marriage should be kept a secret as you both feel safe seeking solutions together

2. THE SWEETEST PART ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE

If the sex in your marriage is incredible, don’t go around sharing all the details; not because you are afraid your friends will want to steal your sexually amazing spouse, but because some things are best kept special by being kept secret just between you two. Others may know your spouse is great in bed, but they don’t need to know the details of how great. Your love making is not for their entertainment

3. YOUR SPOUSE’S SALARY

Be careful especially when sharing this information with your family members; they might want to take advantage of your spouse if he/she earns alot or look down on your spouse if he/she earns less or nothing at the moment. You two know how much you bring to the family basket and know your limit on how engaged you want to be in supporting your relatives

4. WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR YOUR SPOUSE

This goes normally to women. Bragging about the things you have done for your husband mostly tampers with his ego and you make him look weak. Mennate givers naturally and when given its already uncomfortable. Don’t make it more uncomfortable by shouting.

As for men, the way you say it will determine how she feels. Don’t say it as if to blackmail her or make her feel useless. Wrap it with love and it’s good to go

5. YOUR SPOUSE’S PAST

If your spouse had a dark past; maybe your spouse made bad romantic choices in the past, procured an abortion, was sexually abused, was in a dishonourable profession; it is not your place to disclose this to people. If your spouse wants to share this as a testimony to encourage and teach others that should come from him/her, not you

6. YOUR PRIVATE PRAYERS AS A COUPLE

Are you two praying and fasting as a couple, perhaps you are praying for financial breakthrough, to get a child, to find solutions, to defeat a recurring problem in your marriage; keep this between you two as you cry out to God. You don’t have to invite others into your private warroom

7. YOUR SPOUSE’S INNER STRUGGLES

Is your spouse struggling with an embarrassing addiction, perhaps porn, gambling, masturbation, alcoholism; don’t go telling people to show how disappointed you are. Cover your spouse and mitigate the situation. If it is to talk to someone, let it be a counsellor or therapist to find constructive and practical solutions. You two will win this battle in private

8. YOUR SPOUSE’S COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOU

If there are things about you that your spouse doesn’t like, change them instead of going out there telling people “Imagine my spouse is such a pain, complaining that I don’t do XYZ”

9. YOUR SPOUSE’S COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS

If your spouse has an issue with your friend/friends, don’t go telling your friends; they might gang up against your spouse and you might find yourself joining them to mock your spouse. Analyse your spouse’s complaints, if they have merit, cut off that friend/friends or keep them distant

10. YOUR SPOUSE’S COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR RELATIVES

If your spouse raises concerns about your parents, siblings or relatives; don’t go telling them. You will give them ammunition to attack and dislike your spouse. You are the bridge between your spouse and your relatives. Wisely use the information your spouse has shared with you to foster a better bond

11. THE ISSUES IN YOUR MARRIAGE

If your marriage is going through issues, don’t go posting online those issues as you reveal your spouse’s identity, posting on your wall or WhatsApp hoping that your spouse will read and get your attack message. No, solve issues in private

Free area is located in Nakuru near Section 58. Here people park cars and have fun in broad daylight. From morning until late in the night, the area is full of activities. Men who travel from as far as Nairobi find the place peaceful and convenient for sins.

The events that happen in the area are shocking, they are compared to Muliro Garden. If you visit the area any time of the day,you will witness real drama.

Look at the photos below;

Prince Indah is a Luo musician, one of the most successful Luos in Kenya. He married Winne yesterday, who he has lived with for more than 1 year and they are blessed with a child. Winnie hails from Migori Nyanza.

Prince Indah was accompanied with a convoy of more than 100 vehicles. Top Luo celebrities attended the event. He paid 16 cows and 4 goats according to the Luo tradition.

Winnie is aged 28 years and she is now Indah’s wife. Below are the beautiful photos of Winnie:

Where are some Kenyans get money from? This Kenyan woman spent a whopping Ksh 3.2 million on meals and alcohol per day. She posted a receipt online to show that money is not a problem to her.

Martha Kay is the lady who is trending and has stated that money is everything.The lady in her 20s is swimming in money.

A woman was invited to wash clothes to a man during a weekend. Her work involves washing clothes for people and get paid. They had agreed Ksh1,000 for the entire day. The man lives in Nairobi and his wife had travelled to the village to attend a wedding. There was also a funeral at home.

The mama fua found a mountain of clothes and the happily started washing them. She took more than 4 hours. After finishing, the man requested her to wash the house. After completing all the rooms, except bedroom. The man felt that it was necessary for her to wash the bedroom. He escorted her there. While she was cleaning, her dress which was short exposed everything. The man became tempted. He stood there near the door admiring her. After she had completed, the man told her to take a shower. It was around 7pm.

Since it was abit late, he asked whether she could cook some meal and she accepted but on condition that he adds some cash. He didn’t refuse. He added him Ksh1,000. The lady finished cooking but it was late for her to go. It’s at that time that the man told her to spend the night and go early in the morning. He warned her against leaving that time of the night because out side is not secure. She reluctantly accepted.

At 10 pm the man tiptoed to the sofa seat where the lady was sleeping and held her tight. She resisted for some seconds but accepted afterwards. One thing led to another and they found themselves together in the bedroom. They slept there the whole night.

The following morning, the lady woke up and went home, leaving the man happy.

After one week, the lady sent a message to the man asking, “Hey John, did you take Prep?”. Confused, the man asked while sweating. “what do you mean”…..I am asking whether you’re ready to take drugs”,she replied.

In Uganda, there’s a tribe called “Banyakole or Ankole”. This tribe has a different culture in Africa. If a man marries their daughter, you must have sex first with the Elder girl before the girl is officially given to you. This is done to enable the parents and relatives of the girl that the man is romantic and performs well on bed.

Normally, the action takes place in public or private. The sister will give consent then they are allowed to sleep and have sex. If a man does intercourse for more than 15 minutes without a break,he is considered a hero.

The man only does sex with the elder sister once in his lifetime. Once the act is over,they go separate ways. After approval, he will then be allowed to marry the younger sister.

Kenyan men have revealed how they sleep with their house helps. More than 90% of them confessed that they sleep with their maids especially when the wives are not around.

Most of the cases happen in town where the man is always around and the wife goes to work. When the wive leaves in the morning,the maid gets a chance to sleep with the man of the house. Sometimes this happens at night. The wife would go to sleep early, leaving the man in the dining room with the mboch. They sleep there before the man goes to bed.

If you are hiring a house girl, hire one who is above 55 years. Alternatively, hire someone who is not attractive to your man. You can also avoid hiring one and only have someone mature who comes to work during the day when you are around.

Below are the shocking confessions:

There is this trending photo of a man in USA who resembles Michael Jackson. Though he is heavier than Michael Jackson, his face is a copy of the singer.

People have reacted to the photo,saying that it’s Michael Jackson.The believe that the singer didn’t die or he just resurrected.

Michael Jackson died in 25 June 2009 In Los Angeles At Age 50

This lady introduced her friend to her husband and they ended up doing this:

“This is my husband & my best friend. I’m currently shedding tears typing this, I’m diayn in silence. Please, read my story & tell me if I deserve this from these two.

This woman was my best friend before she left for the States 11yrs ago, she won a scholarship. So, When I lost my parents some years back, things became difficult for me. Then, we had lost contact; I couldn’t go to the university due to a lack of finances, so I dropped out. It was that same year that I met my husband, who had just graduated from school & started working as a primary school teacher.

Though we haven’t officially gotten married yet, he’s been saving towards that purpose. We presently have 3 kids. I was shocked to see a friend request from this friend on social media. She said she came across my profile & sent me a request, & that she hadn’t been able to get in touch with me since I wasn’t using my real name on social media.

We were both excited connecting again after not seeing each other for 11years. I told her about our condition, how tough things were with my family, also that I now have 3 kids. She was happy for me & even offered to help me process my papers so I can join her abroad. But I told her to help my husband instead, so he can stand on his feet since he is a man cuz it wouldn’t be proper for me, as a woman, to abandon my husband-to-be & move abroad.

She accepted. All necessary arrangements were made when she came for holidays,  it was even easier since she wasn’t married yet., I allowed her to marry my husband legally, in order for him to quickly & easily get his papers.

After 3 years, my husband finally traveled, & life became better. My kids attend very good schools; the house that we live in is ours. My husband built it last year; it’s a very comfortable morden apartment. There’s one other compound with 4 very large apartments, which I’m in charge of collecting rent for. Both houses were built in my name. A very big shop bootique shop was also opened for me.

To cut the long story short, it’s been 5 years gone. I could never believe that these two have been having an affair behind my back. All these while, & they’ve been trying to buy my conscience with money. As we speak, this woman my own best friend is allegedly 2 months pregnant for my husband, & they’re even having 2 kids together already.

This is the same lady that I once called my best friend. She knows how much I & my husband love each other, yet she decided to use her wealth & influence to snatch my man from me. I’m shocked, confused, i don’t  know what to do. For God’s sake, I have 3 kids with this man. At age 30, where am I supposed to start from?😭😭😭

I love my husband very much & he loves me too. Ok, even if I should agree to let go, which man is going to want to marry me at this age? To make things even worse, having 3 kids with another man. Patricia! Please, I want my man, I do not need your money. We were happy & doing well before you came into the picture.

I & my kids need their father too. Pls Patricia, we do not want your money nor anything that has to do with you. I love my husband & he loves me too. Please leave him for me I’m begging you, kindly send him back. I’m so hurt, I’m feeling dpressd cuz of this woman my own best friend 😭😭.”

There was drama in Kisii Town when a man and woman got stuck together. The woman tightly locked the man in her thighs, preventing him from rescuing himself. The incident happened yesterday.

The woman works at an Mpesa shop and the man runs car hire business. They had been sharing good moments until yesterday when they decided to enter Airbnb and explore more. They started well until 2 minutes were over when the man felt something like a muscle pull. He tried to pull himself out but he didn’t manage. They struggled for more than 2 hours until they decided to shout and cry aloud. People rushed to help them.

This is the second time such incident is happening in Kisii town. The husband of the lady who was stuck is the one who caused the thing to happen.He has demanded Ksh2 million to solve the problem.

Connie Muuru has a question—this is interesting.

This is today’s photo and I have a question? … MEN COME HERE AND EXPLAIN FURTHER PLEASE.

So how do you answer a man who was your boyfriend, when you were in your mid 20s,and you meet today when you are about 60 years old and he doesn’t REMEMBER you at all?

He stopped me and started asking me “if he could buy me coffee at Capital Centre Mombasa rd…I decided to play along, because to me he wasn’t a stranger .

We went to Java and he asked what I was taking…i ordered for Dawa, because I had already eaten Lunch.

Before we got served,he asked for my contracts …I gave him my Landline of 020… (Nowadays we have them on mobiles)… Reason being i didn’t want him to get any idea of who I was… .

So to cut the long story short, when he started asking for more,I revealed myself and he denied completely,ever seen me or involved with me in love matters.

Now I decided to get down into details…( FEAR WOMEN, BECAUSE WE DON’T FORGET EVERY DETAIL OF SUCH MOMENTS, WHETHER THEY WERE GOOD OF BAD)

He was so embarrassed and sweating like a sick chicken … Finally I called him Mheshimiwa and I told him how we met in Parliament and he was a member of Parliament for (…..)….Also I mentioned his good friend,who they were always with, when coming to meet me.

Kama huyo Mubaba hakupata pressure sijui…I politely asked him why he was still looking around for women at his age?…I hope my advice will make him stop the nonsense and settle down as a proud Father and grandfather.

BUT TO SPEAK THE TRUTH,I WAS VERY SHOCKED .

OR I AM GHOST? …ALL THAT WORK I DID IN MY YOUTH,HE CAN’T REMEMBER? .

SASA YA MAMA MUKONGWE NDIO ATAKUMBUKA KWELI JAMENI?…WACHA TU IKAE

There was drama in Nyeri County when a woman gave birth to a baby that doesn’t resemble the husband. The husband complained that the baby didn’t resemble him, he even brought relatives to confirm. However, his wife claimed that the husband watches too much of Indian movies, which is why the baby was born. She also blamed the spiritual realm for the unique baby.

The lady works in an Indian restaurant as a waiter.

Upon hearing his wife’s argument, the husband accepted that it might be his fault and promised to stop watching Indian movies. The two love each other and the husband loves his child even more.

Bolo Bespoke has deactivated his Facebook account. The flamboyant Luo man married Mis Mueni last weekend in a wedding that occurred in Eastern Kenya. All top Luo men were present in the wedding. Bolo reportedly spent Ksh 10 million in the wedding.

The couple expected to receive positive feedback from Kenyans but that never happened. Kenyans dug deep into Mis Mueni’s past and provided photos to show that she is a bad girl. Mueni had taken photos with different men in clubs and outside. There was even a video showing Timmy Tdat dancing with the girl.

Today,Mueni attended an interview with TV47 and bragged how she helped Bolo become someone. She said that she met Bolo when he was living with his parents. She said that she came with the idea of starting a fashion design company and even provided capital.

Kenyans were not happy about her bragging nature. They also noticed that she talks without breaks.

Seeing the direction the conversation was taking, Bolo deactivated his Facebook account.

Below is how to select your baby’s sex . If you want to get a boy or a girl, follow the procedure beow:

Sperm cells are either X or Y.

The Egg cell is always X. If X-Sperm cell meets the egg(X) the baby will be a Girl (XX). If Y-Sperm cell meets the egg(X), the baby will be a Boy (XY). The Y-Sperm cells move fast but die fast (its lifespan is about 24hrs). X-Sperm cells move slowly but survive longer (up to 3-4days).

Therefore, if you have intercourse some days before ovulation, most of the Y-Sperm cells would have died leaving mostly X-Sperm cells to fertilized the egg

Here’s a simple way to calculate your ovulation  period.

1. From the first day you see the blood of your period.

2. Pick up a calendar and count 15 days including the first day of the blood stain.

3. Mark the 15th day with a pen.

4. Mark 3 days before the 15th day, and mark 3 days after the 15th day.

6. You will notice you have 7 days marked.

These 7 days are your ovulation/fertile days also known as unsafe period.

That is if you have sex on any of these days, then you have 98% chances of being pregnant.

7. Do this every month diligently

For Example

1. If your period is 11th July, ,

2. 15 days after the first day of the blood stain will be on 25th of this July too (2weeks after) counting from 11th.

3. 15th day is on the 25th July

4. 3days before the 15th day is 22, 23, 24.

5. 3days after 25th July  is 26,27,28.

6. 22-28th July (7days) is when you are ovulating. It is your fertile period.

**Don’t forget that the 4 days is a reminder that sperm stays in the female body for about 4 days. Any sexual contact in between ovulation period will form something …

If you want a baby girl, have

sex between 3 days before ovulation (22- 24th)

Female sperm swim slowly but can stay inside woman body for days without dying off,

For a baby boy on the main ovulation day and 3 days after 25th.(26,27,28)

Male sperm swim very fast but will get weak and die off if no egg found for a while leaving female sperm to finish the job.

………..

MAJOR SIGNS THAT YOUR OVULATION HAS BEGAN…

You don’t need a doctor, just relax. After 2 weeks you may feel the following:

1. Headache.

2. High body temperature.

3. Dizziness (feeling of tiredness and sleepiness).

4. Breast tenderness/ size increases just like when you are menstruating.

5. Increased sex drive.

6. Light cramps or pain on one side of the pelvis.

7. Abdominal bloating.

8. Heightened sense of smell, taste or vision (you eat more).

9. Vagina mucus becomes slippery (if you notice, put it in between fingers…it stretches like thick catarrh or snail mucus…colorless like egg white.

………..

N/B: The instance here is for ladies with 30 days cycle. And someone who saw her period in July . If yours is 28, then it’s 14 days and not 15 days.

There has to be one last ceremony, that involves testing the husband’s bed antics and potency.

The bride’s aunt will have a sex session with the husband to check how good he is and if he is a type of man who will give their girl children.

 This is to make sure they are potent.

The Aunt makes sure to check how the man’s pipi works down there, and she reports to the elders, whether he is a good man or not.

Mara Africa?

During the act with the man, the Aunt notes down his s€x sweetness.

They try all his favorite styles so she can take a good note of everything about him.

After this, the Aunt calls the girl and explain to her how her husband behaves in bed and the styles he likes.

She then teaches her.,

After confirmation is done the marriage is allowed.

Marriage in this Bayankole tribe is of great importance as parents derive joy and pride from their children’s marriage.

According to this Ugandan tradition, when a girl gets to the age of eight or nine, it is the duty of her aunt to groom her for family life.

Virginity in this culture is held in high esteem so the girls must abstain from premarital s€x.

The Ankole tribe considers the slim physique unattractive. To them, fat is simply sexy. So when girls get to the ages eight and nine, they are required to go through a fattening process. This is usually done to speed up the weight gain of the girls so they can attract a husband.

The Banyakole marriage involves several ceremonies including a Giveaway period know as “Kuhingira” where the relatives and friends of the bride present her with gifts such as cows and other food items to take to her matrimonial home.

On the wedding day, a feast is organized at the bride’s home where the father is to slaughter a bull while at the groom’s home there is also a feast to consummate the marriage.

But first, there has to be one last ceremony, that involves tests that must be done by the bride’s.