If you want to avoid frustrations following Uhuru’s tax spree,here are the survival tactics to employ:
1. Don’t send withdrawal fee henceforth on top of money you send to others via M-PESA.
2). Carry food to work. Increase your dinner so as to spare some for lunch. This you do by adding more water and salt in the stew and eating less ugali (salt is not overtaxed). If you’re not full with less ugali, take three glasses of water and rush to bed.
3). Switch off lights in your living room. Use the
TV screen light instead.
4). Instead of going out for some mbuzi and a
drink, go and sleep. Practice makes perfect. Bora uhai. Wind the clock and spare your coins for a rainy day.
5). Enroll your car for Uber or taxify cab services. Its a luxarious liability under the new taxation.
6). Gamble regularly. You never know. Unaweza
angukia jackpot. How much do they tax a jackpot by the way? Not many people win jackpots for the govt to rush and tax this income earner.
7). Avoid visiting your in laws. If you were
heading for dowry payment, postpone immediately until further notice. Hopefully, you’ll win a jackpot and settle it soonest.
8). Relocate to areas like Maroroi and King’eero.
Trust me, they’re not as bad as their names
sound. Rent is cheaper and cribs have kitchen
gardens where you can brood quails or open a
kibanda to sell sugar cane.
9). Get a skinny spouse if you’re not married.
10). Convert your broke moments into fasting
times as you face them. Man shall not live on
bread alone remember?
11). Shower in twos to minimize the water bill. The children can shower even three of them at a go.
12). Home school your children. All you need is send them to church on Saturdays and Sundays for CRE. Hire a Coastal househelp to teach them Kiswahili.
This she will do as she relates with them, while she does her chores. Come home early and give them Maths lessons. Let them watch CNN and BBC to develop their English.
Bring them Old Newspapers to help. Social Studies they can learn from interacting with their society.
